Why I Don't Own More Frogs

Only people who do not enjoy fine cinema ask me why I don't own more frogs. Because, I mean, come on!

Triplettes of Belleville. Magnolia. According to wikipedia, The Reaping. All movies that depict the rare but actually occurring event of frogs raining down on mankind.

Why would I be worried about this happening if I were to own a frog? Or several frogs, even. It sounds like a stretch, but whenever I think about frogs in mass numbers, these are the sort of images that cloud my brain. Sure, frogs are cute, mostly green (which is a color I appreciate), and generally harmless. I love Kermit, and I like actual living frogs, too. Even in Oviedo (the towns & gowns/backwoods suburb of Orlando), hearing the sound of frogs outside and thinking they were actual aliens. I remember this from age 10, but I was scared of everything then. That doesn't matter. I still like frogs.

But the idea of a true frog storm is a scary one. And a possible one. Particularly for me.

And I mean, the Bible predicting this is one thing, but Paul Thomas Anderson's deft use of the verse from Exodus 8:2 in 1999's tour de force Magnolia was not something I noticed when I first saw this film (having started it at about 2am, bad idea). The event in the film is foreshadowed with reference to an 82% chance of rain among other things. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnolia_(film)#Raining_frogs_and_Exodus_8:2

Said rain really happens, too. The actual occurrence of raining frogs comes from frogs getting sucked into water spouts, and falling from the sky. I think of such a storm, and I think of "Reigning Blood", like the Slayer song, but the Tori Amos cover of it.

Let's take this into account - I live in Hollywood, south Florida, where it rains a great deal. Right now we're at an odd point that coincides with El Nino and election year cycles, and so we have more hurricanes in the southeast United States and much much more rain in Florida. From some of the leftover rain from the recent Hurricane/Tropical Storm Fay, every last road leading from my home to the nearest major road was flooded. My little Neon nearly sunk in the two feet of water on some of these roads, or canals as they were at the time. The excursion out of my home probably hastened my car's demise.

So an unnatural fear of a frogstorm, living in a particularly tropical climate - what else do I have to be afraid of pertaining to this, you ask?

82. As in the movie, the chance of rain is predicted at 82%, and the actual scene of the raining frogs ("If you don't let my people go...it will rain frogs") as depicted in the Book of Exodus is in verse 8, chapter 2. 8:2.

I am going to be 26 next month, which of course means '82 was when I was born. I'm not one to read the National Enquirer and get into Nostradamus type predictions, but there are too many risk factors.

I mean, have you people seen Magnolia? That storm scene was violent! There are frogs falling from the sky, taking things and people out, bleeding everywhere, it's terrible! I don't like to know that animals died so that I can eat them, so I avoid it at all costs. I can't live in the climate I do, watch the movies I watch, and have been born in 1982 and NOT think that I am going to get rained on by frogs.

So cute as they may be, and as much as I know it's not easy being green, I do not want to take these risks. I don't want frogs to rain down on my neighborhood.